I cannot believe how many people went down to London when the true epitome of glamour and glory was right here; Yoker versus Clydebank in a vital Central League Cup 2nd Round tie - a local derby, no less, writes Alan Temple at Holm Park.

Diving; overpaid mercenaries; players whining about fatigue; the price of entry; six bloody officials in Europe; TV companies dictating almost every facet of our game. The list of irritants in modern football is a substantial one.

A hazy reverie regarding the ‘good old days’ usually means you are of a ‘certain age’, and usually fails to mention urine-soaked calves, being treated like a sardine and the fact you probably gorge yourself on the TV coverage that ESPN, Sky etc unscrupulously provide.

Nevertheless Junior football is almost a cathartic experience; a break from the more unsavoury aspects of the game; a chance to turn the clock back to the days when men were men, grounds were terraced and tackles were knee-high.

There were at least three challenges during this encounter which would potentially prompt an SPL referee to flash red in the direction of the perpetrator, but they were all shaken off within seconds, with a hearty hand-slap between the men involved. These lads were here to win a game of football, not to roll about the floor and get someone else sent off.

Likewise with a few robust aerial challenges - it was nice to see two players allowed to jump for a 50/50 ball without the referee feeling obliged to blow for a free-kick the moment the players make the slightest bit of bodily contact with each other.

I didn’t mention the proliferation of ‘franchise clubs’ above, but that is certainly something which sticks in the craw of many football fans. Football in this country is spawned from working class roots, and our clubs are representations of our social and communal identities. That maybe explains why the idea of ‘replacing’ a club is so disgusting to fans in the UK - because you can’t just ‘replace’ what a football club means to its fans.

And that neatly brings us to Clydebank F.C., a previous incarnation of whom featured in the senior ranks of the Scottish game until they were bought out and ‘replaced’ by Airdrie United in 2002.

Since then the Bankies have lived a nomadic existence. With their old Kilbowie home now nothing more than an ethereal memory of glories gone, the club shared a ground at Glenhead Park with Drumchapel Amateurs from 2003 to 2008. Holm Park became the team’s home as of ’08, sharing with Yoker Athletic - geographical rivals in theory, but, in truth, until the last decade the clubs have never really had enough contact to build a rivalry.

That has certainly changed in the past few years; it may not be the Milan derby (although the stadium situation is a tad similar) but they are becoming familiar foes.

You look around the ground; a huge banner proclaims “Welcome to the home of Clydebank” while the Yoker crest on the gates rusts silently and sadly. There’s even a championship flag from Clydebank’s Central League Division 2 title win in 2006.

It’s like a girlfriend gradually moving in clothes, cushions and toiletries. You may have thought this process would be on your terms - but it’s HER flat now. That’s what Holm Park is like, every inch of it seems to tell a story about how much grander a club Clydebank are than their willing landlords. The Bankies have moved their toothbrush in and are hogging the remote control.

Yet Yoker continually upset the odds when Budgie McGhee’s men face them at Holm Park. Their spirit and willingness to put in the required work and effort to negate the noticeable gulf in quality is admirable. Before Saturday Clydebank were without a win over Yoker in nine attempts at Holm Park.

The difference in class was apparent in the first period. Paul McMenamin was superb and his continual raids from left-back were a constant threat. His left-footed deliveries were also fantastic throughout, and how Ross Campbell failed to get his name on the score-sheet from one of his deliveries is a mystery, with the Clydebank captain smashing the bar from one particularly fine cross midway through the first half.

That Yoker made it to the break all-square was commendable, but it looked as though they may be in for a hiding when Stevie Dymock smashed a low effort past the helpless Ross Clark early in the second half. The goal was made possible after some super build-up play from Darian MacKinnon on the left flank, beating two players and feeding Dymock.

The visitors (for Clydebank were the designated ‘home’ side) were visibly flagging, and Campbell headed over the bar when it seemed easier to score as the Bankies turned the screw. Indeed, you got the feeling that if they did make it two it could quickly become five or six.

And then John Brogan made one of those substitutions that managers live for.

The Whe Ho boss brought on Craig Winslow, and with his first touch of the ball he lashed home a sensational high drive from just inside the box, past Liam Campbell. That strike earned a draw for Yoker and they actually looked the more likely side to grab a winner in the closing stages.

Here’s a novelty: a final whistle blowing and the crowd having no idea what to do next. Confused glances were exchanged as everyone tried to decipher whether to sit tight for another half-hour or shuffle to the exit and come back for the replay. As it turns out the game went straight to penalties - what a novel, and wonderful, idea for a cup.

The first three kicks were tucked away with aplomb; all top penalty kicks, then Neil Schoneville stepped up for Yoker and placed the ball; and then placed the ball again. A divot, you see, was causing the ball to roll off the spot.

“Hurry the f*ck up!!” Came the cry from the terraces. Naturally you would expect a footballer to ignore that and spot the ball properly. Not Neil, he decided that he would take the penalty from within a hole in the ground instead of replacing the ball for a third time, lest he annoy any opposition fans.

“Here Tiger, take your shot from the fairway.”

“No, don’t worry about it chief, I’ll take it from the bunker instead. It’ll save time.”

He missed; Clydebank went on to win 4-1 on penalties. Maybe take your next penalty from some actual grass, buddy.

Alan is a freelance journalist and one of the original members of The Terrace Podcast. You will also find him hustling for work with Motherwell FC, The Herald and Real Radio as well as other bits and bobs online. Follow on Twitter:@alanftemple